Feeling blue.......................super bluesy. The tears have set up shop in the brims of my eyes, and the smallest act of kindness has them falling over my cheeks and off my chin. Im feeling the need to fly the coop. It happens every once in a while this thing. This beast of desire inside of me...that wants more than I have. It's not very humble, this stuff. And it takes me over. I've been doing a cleanse and not drinking - and thats when the feelings get just.too.big. So I go back to the bottle. There are those effing tears again.

So I just wanted to say, for the record, that feeling that I am enough, and that my feelings matter, and that I count, and that I am allowed to have wants and needs, is painful. It exposes what I don't get because I have not allowed myself to ask for it, or feel I deserve it. And it sucks, because here I am...in the place I have created, and now I get to feel dissatisfied. Which is something that I am not very accepting of for the most part. So there it is. I want. I desire. I need. And I deserve.