Surreal Days

I've been preparing for this presentation like a mad dog for over a month - with college-like vigor in the last few days. Showtime comes and goes, smooth as silk...everyone loves all the ideas, we get goals accomplished, and my bosses love it. Mind you, none of my regular work has been touched during this time. So I am cleaning up the room, wrapping up extension cords, clearing coffe cups, when one of my staff members comes in and he can't talk. He's tingly all over, and he can't anser any questions.
"Do you need water?"
"I don't know"
"Does your left side hurt?"
"I don't know."

So I call his fiance and an ambulance and spend the rest of the night in the ER while they run tests. EKG, CATSCAN, bloodwork, etc. At one point, I get up to get them something to eat, and his fiance grabs my arm, look up at me and says, "just stay here with us".

At 11.15 after 6 hours at the hospital and 9 hours at work, my husband calls and wants me home. They are in with the doctor who is running more tests and says it will be at least a few more hours. So I let them know I am going, but to call me if they need anything. And I leave feeling guilty. All I've eaten all day is a granola bar at 8am and a coffee at 2.30.

While I'm in the ER, besides the amazing people watching, I just keep thinking...why is it so important for me to be here? Why have I sat in so many hospital rooms with employees, while my loved ones are home without me. Why is this okay? not just okay, but the RIGHT thing to do? While I am thinking these thoughts, I see a small person (no idea of the gender) over in the corner spitting up blood into a trash can; a lot of blood. I go get a nurse who discovers the little soul hasn't checked in, and that person goes in immediately.

Surreal.